I Remember
by LadyAlambiel
Summary: I remember...


Disclaimer: I don't own Narnia or any characters you may recognize from the books or the movies, I wish I did but I don't...

Summary: I remember...

A/N: This is set in my _A Light in the Darkness_ universe, but this oneshot can be read as a standalone.

**I Remember**

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I hadn't come out here in over a year. But, know you are never far from my thoughts. Indeed, I've been thinking about you more and more over the last few weeks in particular. I closed my eyes, ignoring the biting cold and the falling snow. I remember...

I remember the first time I saw you and realized you were the one for me. You were laughing with the Queen and nodding in reply to something she had said. I was so busy watching you that I actually missed a step and walked right into Stonebrook. I would have been more embarrassed if I hadn't been so distracted. Stonebrook chuckled and muttered, "That took less time than I would have thought." I looked at him then and finally apologized before my gaze returned to you, much to his amusement now that I think about it. You pushed your hair back after the wind blew it into your face and I couldn't believe I hadn't realized how beautiful you were before that day.

I'm not sure if I ever told you, but I hesitated before I tried to pursue you. It was foolish of me since I couldn't stay away for any longer than absolutely necessary. You had my attention in such a way that I couldn't even consider courting anyone else. I started making more time for spending with you...if a task brought me to the same part of the castle as you, I found a way to interact with you. Your smile was what coaxed me into continuing my pursuit when at first you didn't seem as interested in me as I was in you. Oh, yes, you led me on a merry chase and I enjoyed every moment of it.

I remember when you first let me catch you. It was Christmas Eve and at the ball, we were stuck under the mistletoe at the end of a dance. To the cheers and laughter of onlookers, we kissed. You blushed scarlet and it took me over an hour to find you again after that but you wouldn't talk to me. It took me seeking you out the next week after I spied you leaving the throne room before you gave me a smile after I stole another kiss from you. You still blushed, but I could tell we were much closer to officially being betrothed than we had been earlier.

I remember how things around us changed and I knew I couldn't wait any longer before telling you how I truly felt. I remember how even though I was a veteran soldier, going to your uncle and asking his blessing for our betrothal and marriage scared me more than anything I had faced on the battlefield. I remember the look in your eyes when I proposed and the sheer joy I felt when you finally nodded. I remember our wedding day...you had flowers in your hair and I knew I had a silly grin through the entire ceremony. Surrounded by our family and friends, I knew I couldn't imagine how our life together would turn out, only that it was a new adventure and we could handle anything together...and I once thought I could never be called naïve. I remember our wedding night too...

I remember when just over three years later, you decided to wake me by whispering you were pregnant. You nearly gave me heart failure once I figured out exactly what it was you said and you, you just laughed in delight...before you tried to hush me as I threw the doors open and shouted at the top of my lungs, "I'm going to be a father!" I remember watching you grow with our little one and being able to feel his kicks every time I brushed against your belly. I remember racing back to the house and arriving just in time as you went into labor. Our son was born just a few days after the new year started and you were never more beautiful than when I saw you first hold our son close, sweaty and exhausted from the hours of labor. I remember how you rather firmly picked his name and, naturally, I agreed with you that it was the perfect name for him. He was so small when I held him.

I remember how you tried to hide your disappointment when I had to leave only three weeks after our son was born because of trouble along the border. And, then the trouble was far more pervasive than reports first indicated so I hadn't been able to come home to see you until Christmas. I thought my heart would break that Christmas because he refused to come out from behind you to see me for nearly two full days and I didn't have much time before I had to leave again. When I told you about my worries as I held you that first night I was home, you just laughed and reassured me that I wasn't that terrible of a father. That wasn't exactly the answer I had been looking for, but thank you, Dear. Then, the next evening, you purposefully stepped aside in such a way that our son couldn't hide behind you anymore although the skeptical look he graced both of us with more than adequately communicated how he felt about being left in the room with me. You were right though...it didn't take long before our son was just as attached to me as he was to you.

I remember...I remember the day I lost you. Every detail of that day is still so fresh that I can picture you exactly as you looked that morn. The conversation we had that morn, the one where you told me you suspected we might be adding to our little family after nine years. I wanted you to go see Tuulea for confirmation and you told me no, that it would be another month before we could know for certain...thus, I wasn't allowed to yell the announcement yet. We had barely finished breakfast when She came and demanded everyone in the tribe come out of their homes. She brought enough of Her creatures that we had no choice but to obey. Her spies had seen some of the younger members of the resistance returning home and She felt we needed to be taught a lesson in accepting the current regime. I could feel you bristle beside me as we listened to the Witch present Her demands upon our people. You slipped your hand inside mine and our fingers intertwined as we stood in the cold winter silently waiting for Her to get to the point. We were standing just in front of our son, blocking his view as She finally announced that she felt our people needed a change in leadership and not a moment later, had one of Her soldiers cut down Cadeyrn, my father. Then She turned to me, to us, and told me to choose between you or our son. I said I would not choose and She merely responded by saying she would have Her creatures kill half the tribe if I did not choose. There are times when I wonder if you had known for certain that you were pregnant, would you have made the same choice...but it is pointless to wonder, isn't it? For you squeezed my hand then touched our son's face before you took the choice from me and stepped out away from us. I barely had time to move in front of the colt before he saw you killed.

Our son...Oreius...oh, you should see him now. He is no longer the lanky and leggy colt you entrusted me to raise. He would tower over you. He is turning into a fine young stallion and warrior. You were right, he was too much like me to take any path save that of a warrior. I taught him to be stronger than I and he will be a good leader for our people. He hasn't paid much attention to the fillies, too focused on working with the resistance, but one day I know he'll find someone who will be more than his equal as you were more than mine. You would be proud of him.

I looked down at the stone marker with your name carved into it: _Selene_. No, you are never far from my thoughts... The Winter has lasted nigh on seventy years, but I still believe the prophecy Shadeflint gave us will come to pass...although I am no longer certain it will happen in my lifetime. Perhaps that is why you have been in the forefront of my thoughts so often these past few weeks. We have organized a rebellion in an attempt to overthrow Jadis. There is a battle coming in two days. I do not fear the outcome. If things go poorly, Oreius will take my place among our people and the resistance...and I will see you again.

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**A/N: Please Read and Review! Okay, so this one is more bitter-sweet. Just to clarify, Cadfael and Selene are Oreius' parents and this one-shot is set during the Hundred-Year-Winter. Leave a review below and tell me what y'all think about this one.**


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